You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize