i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You took a bar mat shot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize