I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
