someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize