please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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