he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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