umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
