can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
