You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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