how can u be prego again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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