my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
two words: eviction party
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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