Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
