she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
