You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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