There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize