...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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