your room smells of hookers.
And success
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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