My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
