the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
