4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
