it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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