the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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