My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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