Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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