It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
