I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
