I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
