i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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