And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
