my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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