Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
sex in a hospital.. check
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
