GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
