if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
