yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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