How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
