the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
