His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
