He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
