My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Welp...herpes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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