Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
