could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
