Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
