I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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