How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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