Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
