I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
