It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
