my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
