One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
