Kiss
Puke
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
