she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
