I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize