she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
