Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
