shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
