My cat gives me a boner
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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