i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize