I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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