my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
