How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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