And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
