You smell like a Billy Joel song
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
