Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
