Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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