i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
