her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
