Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
