just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
