I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The uberlube is also flammable
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
