my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
